Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love By Understanding Your Personality Type [Kindle Edition] Author: Helen Fisher | Language: English | ISBN:
B003K15O48 | Format: PDF, EPUB
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A groundbreaking book about how your personality type determines who you love
Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another? In this fascinating and informative book, Helen Fisher, one of the world’s leading experts on romantic love, unlocks the hidden code of desire and attachment. Each of us, it turns out, primarily expresses one of four broad personality types—Explorer, Builder, Director, or Negotiator—and each of these types is governed by different chemical systems in the brain. Driven by this biology, we are attracted to partners who both mirror and complement our own personality type.
Until now the search for love has been blind, but Fisher pulls back the curtain and reveals how we unconsciously go about finding the right match. Drawing on her unique study of 40,000 men and women, she explores each personality type in detail and shows you how to identify your own type. Then she explains why some types match up well, whereas others are problematic. (Note to Explorers: be prepared for a wild ride when you hitch your star to a fellow Explorer!) Ultimately, Fisher’s investigation into the complex nature of romance and attachment leads to astonishing new insights into the essence of dating, love, and marriage.
Based on entirely new research—including a detailed questionnaire completed by seven million people in thirty-three countries—Why Him? Why Her? will change your understanding of why you love him (or her) and help you use nature’s chemistry to find and keep your life partner.
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- File Size: 594 KB
- Print Length: 320 pages
- Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.; 1 Reprint edition (April 1, 2010)
- Sold by: Macmillan
- Language: English
- ASIN: B003K15O48
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
X-Ray:
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #89,990 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
- #7 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Science > Biological Sciences > Biochemistry
- #7 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Professional & Technical > Professional Science > Biological Sciences > Biochemistry
- #78 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Mate Seeking
Is it legitimate to put forth yet another work on personality types? After all, there are the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and the Keirsey Temperaments takes on personality. However, perhaps those formulations did not sink in given the ongoing precarious state of relationships. In this book, the author has constructed a credible model of personality, even if similar to others, which is related to brain chemistry, though that may be the most controversial aspect of her model. Much of the author's supporting data for her model comes from her work with dating services based on responses from thousands.
She defines four basic personality temperaments or traits that exist in all individuals with one being dominate and another secondary. Characteristic of Explorers is tendencies for novelty, enthusiasm, risk-taking, spontaneity, irreverence, adventure, etc. Dopamine is associated with Explorers. Builders are conventional, calm, moral, rule-based, respectful of authority, somewhat cautious, loyal, etc. Serotonin is the chemical that is most closely associated with Builders. Directors are analytical, logical, self-controlled, independent, somewhat competitive, decisive, etc. Testosterone dominates in Directors. Negotiators are very social, intuitive, sympathetic, idealistic, tolerant, agreeable, etc. The author claims that it is estrogen that enables both men and women to have enhanced holistic thinking capability. There seems to be no assertions that one personality is better than another or that such personalities are associated with levels of intelligence.
The author strongly suggests that, if accurately assessed, that these four traits go a long ways toward predicting both attraction and aversion.
What would happen if, when stressed, rather than adopt the defense mechanism of projecting blame and motives onto others we don't know well, we could see the cards they've been dealt or the four clearly described personality types in this book? Regardless of location, we could spot: EXPLORERS (due to dopamine), BUILDERS (serotonin), DIRECTORS (testosterone) and NEGOTIATORS (estrogen). The author points out that the theory of four types, in one form or another, has been around for quite some time:
sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, melancholic (Galen)
hedone, propraietare, dialogike, ethikos (Aristotle)
artistic, sensible, reasoning, intuitive (Plato)
blood, phlegm, yellow bile, black bile (Hippocrates)
manic, depressive, aggressive, oversensitive (Kretschmer)
Her chapter titles for these types are: Drink Life to the Lees, A Pillar of Society, Always the Stars, The Philosopher King. She is very positive and educational in describing these types and I don't think many people will be turned off by her treatment of them. She includes many nice one liners and quotes as well as a mini autobiography of a famous person for each type.
The second half of the book addresses the question posed as the title of the book. She reports that all types can be very happy with any type and that there are dozens of factors from the "nurture" side that are involved in mate selection but from the "nature" side there appears to be a tendency for Explorers to want to be with other Explorers ("play mates"), for Builders to want to be with other Builders ("help mates"), both reflecting like attracts like and birds of a feather, for Directors to want to be with Negotiators and vice versa reflecting how opposites attract.
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